Early research from Destination Analysts expects holiday travel for Americans to decline from last year’s 53 percent to only 28 percent. As the holidays are often the only time that families get to visit aging relatives and notice behavioral changes, this decline in travel rates signals that extra measures need to be taken to make sure our loved ones are safe. 

Benevolent probing is a simple way for adult children to assess their loved ones’ needs from a distance. This tactic combines careful observation and considerate conversation to gauge a loved one’s health and wellness in a respectful, non-threatening way. It is common for the aged population to strongly guard their independence and feel threatened and afraid when topics arise that risk the lifestyle they are used to and comfortable living. 

Benevolent probing is a way to minimize the feeling of threat for your loved ones and make it possible for adult children to accurately assess how their parents are doing. 

Benevolent Probing Areas for Discussion

Activities of Daily Living
Without in-person visits, you may feel that you miss out on opportunities to assess your loved one’s ability to care for themselves or perform daily tasks like personal hygiene, house cleaning, cooking/eating, and taking medication. From a distance, you can use video calls to help assess how they are doing without sounding like you are prying. 

• Gauge your loved one’s personal hygiene on the call. Are they struggling with shaving, weight, dressing, bathing, etc.?
• Ask for a house tour to see decorations. (Through the tour, you can easily watch for signs of declining health in the form of clutter, hoarding, lack of traditional decorations/cleaning behaviors, etc.)
• Prescription medications can be checked if it can be worked into the conversation. If health is brought up and you can get them to show you their prescription bottles, you can bring into the conversation of dosages, how the prescriptions make them feel, expiration dates on the bottles, etc. 

Memory
Memory loss is easier to gauge on phone calls and video calls. Be aware of signs of memory loss by asking simple questions. What did they do last weekend? When was the last time they spoke to another family member? Signals of memory loss can include short and simple answers to your questions like “Uh-huh,” “Yeah,” and “Hmmm,” or them repeating themselves.

Mobility
Even on phone calls, you can assess your loved one’s mobility. But video calls can achieve more in this area. Pay attention to cues of difficulty in mobility. Does your loved one talk about bruises, tripping, falling, or getting injured in other ways? Do they mention struggling with walking? Do they make elaborate sounds while moving that indicate pain or difficulty? Do they mention dings/scratches on the car or car accidents? If you are on a video call, pay attention to their movements and balance. 

Social Engagement
If your once social and perky loved one suddenly seems uninterested in social activities, this could indicate depression, which raises concerns about their overall health. Depression can impact cognitive function and daily living activities, which are very important to the overall health and wellness of seniors. Ask questions about social activities. Many social activities are canceled due to COVID-19, so offer alternatives to in-person activities. Online church groups or social hangouts are great alternatives. Virtually any type of class is available online and you can even take live tours and shopping experiences of places around the world. Perhaps your loved one just needs a ride or a companion to participate in an activity.

If you notice anything concerning, write it down, discuss with siblings and take some time to think about how to approach the situation. Don’t react right away. The holidays are a time to enjoy and you may need time to make a plan. 

Remember that there are amazing resources for senior care that allow your loved ones to remain independent while still receiving care, support, and companionship. SYNERGY HomeCare is committed to providing the support and resources that seniors need, plus extra care around the holidays. We strongly encourage adult children to use benevolent probing as a tool of care this holiday season and to lay some worries to rest – or to help create a plan for your loved one that will meet their individual needs. 

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While it is a fantastic feat for seniors to continue to care for themselves as they age; eventually, adult children of these wildly independent baby boomers realize that their aging parents need more support – and likely are not asking for it. 

Baby-boomers are stubborn about maintaining their independence and for excellent reasons. These reasons are shaking up traditional senior living and senior care programs. 

They are Living Longer

Statista reports a higher life-expectancy for baby boomers. Women can look forward to a life expectancy of 81 years while men are averaging a 76-year life expectancy. 

Not only are they living longer, but medical and technological advancements have promoted healthier, fuller lives for this generation, more than any generation before. These advancements are how baby boomers have more drive, ambition and desire to maintain independent living. 

They are Passionate about Hobbies, Jobs, Activities and Lifestyle 

Don’t expect to see baby boomers sitting around knitting with NPR on the radio station. You’re more likely to see this age group hiking a popular trail with friends, participating in triathlons, volunteering at their grandchildren’s’ schools and working from the comfort of their home. 

Baby boomers DO NOT sit still. They are tech-savvy, active, social and are retiring at older ages than previous generations. They are more educated and on-base with modern technology. You might see them playing games on their smartphones, taking online courses or listening to podcasts. One thing is for sure – they are not sitting around waiting for other people to tell them what the rules are, what’s for dinner and what time lights are out. 

With the lifestyles that baby boomers are living, it is easy to see why this age group fearlessly challenges any threat of losing it. 

However, just because an aging parent has lived a strongly independent life does not mean that they will be capable of living without assistance forever. When the time comes for support to step in, in-home care provides the best type of care for individuals who want to remain in their homes, participating in the community and continue to enjoy a self-reliant lifestyle. 

Gone are the days where senior living facilities were the “go-to” method of support for seniors. With in-home services, your bold and active parents can rely on assistance catered to their individual needs. Suppose mom and dad enjoy decorating their homes, choosing their meals, keeping beloved pet companions and caring for their gardens, but struggle with personal hygiene and housework or have limited sight or mobility. In that case, an in-home aide can provide that extra support so that they can stay comfortable and happy. 

If you have a baby boomer in your family who is adamantly guarding their self-reliance but requires day-to-day or constant support, in-home care services are an ideal option that you can mold to meet specific needs. This way, they still get to live in the home they love, do the things they love without the fear of losing their beloved independence.

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